Chuckles is going to receive radiation treatments for his brain tumor. On Tuesday of next week, he will have another MRI and a CT scan to map the tumor for the radiation. If all goes well, they will begin treatment within 2 days. The protocol is for a total of 20 treatments, given once daily, Monday through Friday for 4 weeks. Each one hits the tumor with a small dose of radiation.
After the 2 hour consult on Monday with his radiation oncologist, I left feeling overwhelmed. So much to absorb and consider. But by Wednesday I made the decision to go forward with treatment. When I looked at him lying in his bed, subdued but still so full of life, I knew that I could not do nothing. I realized that while there is risk, there is also a chance that he could have a good outcome. If I do nothing, there is no chance at all.
Even though it was a big relief just to make the decision, we’ve got a long way to go yet. The radiation could make the tumor bleed again. He could have a seisure. Each treatment requires him to be anesthetized, which is a risk in and of itself. But it’s like reading the side effects of your medication. If you worry about each one you’ll probably never take it! Once I stopped focusing on what could go wrong and started focusing on what could go right, the way became clear.
Then too, I know myself, and I know that I would regret not doing all that I could within reason. Living with regret is a lot tougher, and lingers longer, than accepting a loss. All of my friends have been so supportive of my decision and tell me that I am doing the right thing. And in my heart I know it’s true.