When Time Stands Still

photo-1501139083538-0139583c060fWhere did the time go? Everyone asks this question as we contemplate the expiring year and the emerging new one. Especially as we get older, we shake our heads in disbelief that another year has passed. But today I want to talk about the opposite feeling- the feeling that time is standing still. That feeling when the hours, days and weeks seem to drag by. Have you ever had periods in your life when you felt just like that?

A week or two before Christmas I found myself standing in a long line at the post office in order to mail a package. When I took my place at the back of the line I was just barely inside the door. Ahead of me stood the many disgruntled postal patrons whose body language telegraphed their irritation and frustration about the interminably long wait. But were they correct in their assumptions?63573912516014049828182771_long

I too used to enter the post office, see the long line, and feel my mood sink in a kind of despair over the anticipated wait. In that moment I would experience a sudden suspension of time. But one day I decided to “test” that reality and time my actual wait. This I did on numerous occasions, and always I was surprised by how short the wait was. I found that there was a big gap between my perceived wait time and my actual wait time. I had to confess that my perception was actually based not in reality but in a preconceived idea about postal lines. In spite of all the people in line with all their packages and envelopes, the line moved surprisingly quickly.

photo-1518729371765-043e54eb5674This little anecdote has a parallel to another perceived passage of time that I’m experiencing right now. As I prepare and plan to make my move to teach overseas, the waiting seems interminably slow. Will it ever happen I wonder? Time seems to be standing still or at best inching forward toward a day of departure that can be marked on a calendar. Again and again a sense of anxious impatience rises within me that needs a reality check.

Although I can’t calculate my wait time in minutes as at the post office, I need to put this waiting period in proper perspective so as to minimize my discouragement. The best way to do that I’ve found is two-fold. First of all I look back at all that I’ve accomplished since making the determination to move. By volunteer teaching I have gained 11 months of classroom teaching experience and have created numerous lesson plans that I can use in a future classroom. I also completed my TEFL certification and created a new targeted resume. I started studying Czech with materials sent to me by my cousin in Prague and she and I Skype every two weeks. photo-1518975775530-f4dcbbee9672

The second thing I do is look ahead and make a list of all the things that will have to be put in place in order to go. It is a very long list: research potential employers, make preliminary contact with those employers, sell my house, put furniture in storage, buy a new laptop, arrange for banking, phone service etc. etc. etc. Contemplating this list is sobering and makes the waiting time seem very short indeed. 

Please don’t imagine that I’ve only had to process through this cycle only once. I do it on a regular basis and each time that I regain clarity on my perspective I realize that things will unfold as they are meant to unfold. I cannot speed up or slow down time. I can only put one foot in front of the other, tackle the task at hand and believe that eventually I’ll be at the front of the line.photo-1528387810833-7b46bb8e8778

Dear Readers: Are you in a place of impatience for something to begin (or end) in your life? Was there a period of time in your life when waiting made the time stand still? How did you get through it? Please share in the comments.

A Renaissance Woman

“You know if you are born a Renaissance Woman, or have met a Renaissance Woman, because: You/She can mix the knowledge of what is considered disparate spheres into a new whole…”    _____ Urban Dictionary

UnknownHave you ever asked yourself the question, “What’s wrong with me?” I have. Usually I ask it while reflecting on something really dumb or unkind that I’ve thought, done or said. But there are also times when I ponder this question when comparing myself to other people. In particular, their career path compared to mine. How my jobs seem to have randomly wandered from field to field while other peoples’ seem to have been targeted toward a known end and stayed the course. 

This self-doubt resurfaced recently while preparing my resume for potential English teaching jobs. For those of you who have been following me, you know that I am hoping to teach in the Czech Republic sometime next year, now that I have my TEFL certification. Until that day comes, I hope to land a job teaching online starting the first of the year, this, in addition to my volunteer teaching at the Literacy Council. 

GW145H209Just as in the past, when I got my resume all organized and looked it over, I saw this meandering, very nonlinear work history that made me pause and say “What’s wrong with me?”  How I envy those people who I imagine to have always known what they wanted to do and where they wanted to go, and so, have very linear, logically progressing work histories! “Why can’t I be like everyone else,” I wonder?

In a world that tends to reward and more readily validate those who have climbed a logically progressing career ladder with aplomb, its easy to feel like you’ve missed the boat or failed somehow if your career path looks more like mine- a sailboat tacking across a tempestuous sea. After-all I have been a travel agent, environmental educator, musician/song-writer, legal assistant, and hospital chaplain, just to name a few.

imagesBut I’ve learned, (and truthfully, I’m still learning,) to embrace this uniqueness about myself. To see it as an asset and not a liability. To not ask, “what’s wrong with me?” but instead, “what’s right?” I have always been driven to explore, inquire, and learn in many fields, which has led me to multiple proficiencies. This is who I am, a Renaissance Woman. 

The better question to ask now is, “how can I use this to my advantage?” Quite honestly, I can hardly imagine a better field than teaching to bring a broad base of knowledge to bear. Maybe not having a specific trajectory has allowed me to arrive at this moment in time. Maybe now I’ll have the opportunity to coalesce my “disparate spheres” into a greater whole to the benefit of my current students and to my potential future ones. I’m hoping that employers will feel the same way as I move forward with my dream.

Dear Readers: Are you a Renaissance man or woman? Have you ever struggled with a similar view of your life’s path and wondered what it all meant? How have you, or haven’t you reconciled yourself to it? Please feel free to share.

Leaving Home

Photo by Mantas Hesthaven on UnsplashThe essence of leaving home is change. Change brings the excitement of new adventure as well as fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar. As children going away to camp, or as young adults going off to college, many of us have felt the temporary, but very real pangs of homesickness. Those times when loss of the familiar feels like a trap door has opened beneath our feet. But eventually we embrace leaving as a part of natural growth.

Photo by Nils Nedel on UnsplashAnd then something happens over time. We work hard to create a comfortable world around us that is to our liking; our home, friends, activities, the work we do- they all become part of a rhythm of days that flows like a well-worn river bed. Life becomes more complicated too, and entangled with responsibilities. No longer can we simply “pack up and go.” Sometimes there is so much effort involved in getting away that we simply don’t. Pretty soon complacency begets inertia. And once again, we find that leaving home is not so easy to do for a whole new set of reasons.Photo by Erik Odiin on Unsplash

As I contemplate moving to Prague, I wonder if I will be able to leave home when the time comes. The immensity of leaving all that is comfortable and familiar to me; my great little house, my routine, my senior pets, for a place that is entirely foreign sometimes overwhelms me. How will it all get sorted out? Physical aging too has shown me just how easy it is to succumb to inertia. It brings new meaning to the law of physics that states “a body at rest, tends to stay at rest.”

I assure you that my decision to go has not been taken lightly. I believe that acknowledging doubts and fears is not a defeatist attitude, it’s just being honest. Even with all the uncertainty and complications known, and yet to be discovered, I’m still going to continue to work toward my goal in the coming year- because, of one thing I am certain. Just like exercising your body to keep it able to exercise, change is a muscle that must be flexed in order to keep it loose and limber. Remaining flexible and open to change are what keep us young as we age. Leaving home and moving overseas to an unfamiliar place is a big and scary thing, but oh, the possibilities!Photo by Josh Couch on Unsplash

Dear Readers: Have you experienced the inertia of complaceny? Resistance to change? Maybe it was a time when you too were leaving the familiarity of home. How did you, or are you dealing with your fear? Please share.

 

 

 

 

Sometimes a Door Opens…..

Sometimes a door opens in front of you that you did not anticipate, but seems so right to walk through. That is exactly what happened to me in January. I went to an informational workshop at The Literacy Council to learn about volunteer opportunities. While there, I was invited to take part in their one week English as a Second Language (ESL) program that was starting the next day. I took the training and by February I was teaching the advanced class two mornings a week.BEST

I knew immediately that the job was a perfect fit. My students are a joy, and I love helping them to progress and be successful. My own success as their teacher led me to complete a certification course this past summer that will allow me to teach English overseas. 

What began as a desire to volunteer, opened a door onto a new path that has the potential to lead me into a whole new world of experience. But isn’t that the way it is most of the time when we volunteer? We come willing to give and to help others, and yet we seem to be the ones who benefit the most. We walk away with a full heart, amazed at all we’ve been given.

Dear Readers, Has this ever happened to you? Please share about a volunteer experience in which you gained as much as you gave.

New Beginnings- Taking Chances

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“For our country- we endure to the end”

OCTOBER 18, 1918- OCTOBER 28, 2018

Today marks the 100th birthday of Czechoslovakia. On October 28, 1918, after centuries of oppression under Austro-Hungarian rule, the Czech people realized their dream of freedom and self-governance.  Although other dictatorial rulers tried to squash their independence, (Nazis from 1939-1945 and the Soviets from 1945-1992), the Czech people and their spirit have risen above every obstacle. Centennial celebrations have been occurring throughout the year, culminating in this weekend’s events which include parades, fireworks, and an open air concert by the Czech Philharmonic. IMG_0091

This seems an appropriate moment to share with you, faithful readers, that I too am embarking on a new beginning. The Bohemian Freethinker is making preparations with the hope of moving to Prague, where I will teach English for a year. My anticipated departure is in the summer of 2019, to begin their school term in September.IMG_0089

It is not too common for someone 59 years old to uproot and move to a foreign country, and it will certainly not be a “walk in the park” to do so. But I am going to give it my best shot and I will be journaling my experiences along the route over the next year. My hope is that if there is anyone out there reading this who thinks it is too late to try to make a dream a reality- please, think again. It is never too late to become the person you were meant to be. 

p.s. Dear Readers, what new beginnings have you embarked upon lately? Please share in the comments!

 

Expectations

There is a familiar and unhappy gap between our expectations and reality, and that gap is called disappointment. Sometimes disappointment is created by circumstances beyond our control, but more often than is comfortable to admit, it is of our own making. 

Here is a case in point.

x5dufb40Q0O%uCgBp4D5YAAbout a month ago I was in Chicago with a close friend to celebrate my birthday. My mother, daughter of Czech immigrants, was born and raised in the city and, if possible, I wanted to find some connection to, or some “taste” of Czech ethnicity that might still linger there. Our first night we discovered Bohemian House, at 11 West Illinois Street, a restaurant that features authentic Czech cuisine and beer in an Old World atmosphere. All was excellent and did not disappoint.

Buoyed by our success at the restaurant, the next day we set out to find Vesecky’s, a IMG_1185traditional Czech bakery in Berwyn, the once ethnically Czech neighborhood where my grandparents had lived. The recent reviews on Yelp were promising; “one of the best bakeries in Chicago,” said one writer. “great old school bakery,” “my Grandma loved it,” wrote another. Riding the “L” and then taking a bus for the hour long trek to Vesecky’s, my mouth began to water with anticipation of the goodies we would find within.

By the time we arrived I could already taste the apricot kolache and hoska bread I remembered eating as a kid. Predetermined to love it, I noticed, but failed to consider certain clues that cautioned a different reality. Anxiously I bought a box of treats and dived into them right then and there. With one bite, that reality became apparent, the only thing Czech about Vesecky’s was its name.

OIwIUf9jT0uPnTdbsaPDpgAs I stood there sorely disappointed I attempted to reconcile fact with fantasy. Upon entering the bakery, there was no delicious aroma permeating the air characteristic of  baking bread. On the contrary, there was a cold and sterile feel about the place. At first glance of the cookies and pastry behind the glass, my eye sent to my brain an image that did not match what I knew to be authentic, artisanal bakery. I realized that in my rush to conform reality to match my preconceived expectations I had set myself up to be disappointed.

Okay, so no real harm was done me. I wasted a mere $13.00 and I’ve enjoyed a laugh at my own expense in hindsight. What brings this story to mind is twofold. I cannot imagine a better time of year than the Christmas Season to talk about unrealistic expectations and their inevitable consequences. The happiness hype, the love and good cheer can ring hollow about now. And of course, some disappointments are much more devastating than eating bad pastry. I have lived that reality too.

But disappointment can also be our teacher and guide if we let it. So, by way of redemption and a happy ending, over the Holidays I taught myself how to make Vánočka, Czech Christmas Bread. (It is named after Vánoce which means Christmas in Czech.)  I kept my expectations within reason for a first effort and I’m pleased to report that it turned out great and was enjoyed by many.  I’m sure I could give Vesecky’s a run for their money!eJE4a9h3RUmNDgLDClp68w

Dear Readers, you can find the recipe I followed for Vánočka, and more great Czech recipes at www.czechcookbook.com 

ILLUMINATION

It is the season of illumination. Photo by Lena Orwig on UnsplashIn every town, large and small, on land and on sea, on foot or by car, through historic houses, gardens and even battlefields, you can experience a candlelight or electric light tour sure to get you in the Christmas Spirit. If the tour is by purchased ticket, they sell out weeks in advance. If it is open to the public, like our town’s Holiday Flotilla along the inland waterway, you must set out hours in advance in order to navigate traffic, parking and jostling crowds to claim a vantage point. As one advertisement for the Flotilla read, “80,000 people can’t be wrong!”

What feeling, or emotion is everyone seeking to experience through these hugely popular events? I believe the answer lies back in time and in our communal humanity. Photo by Davidson Luna on UnsplashThe appeal of light in darkness is as great with modern Peoples as it was with our Neolithic ancestors who celebrated the Winter Solstice. With the onset of winter, with it’s shorter days and longer nights, we are drawn to the light.

Ancient Peoples may not have understood the science behind the Solstice but they understood that all life depended upon the light of the sun. Taking nothing for granted and assuming nothing as certain, they paid homage to the sun and beseeched its return with rituals and celebrations. Naturally, those rituals revolved around the light of the fire rlm4wq96h_0-chuttersnapwhich symbolized the sun and its life-giving energy. Eventually, Christianity superimposed their Christmas celebrations onto those familiar ones of the Winter Solstice incorporating many pagan rituals of illumination which we still recognize today.

In essence, nothing has really changed except for the multitudinous number of ways we humans can now create light. But the appeal and the sense of well-being light brings us, as we draw near to it, contemplate it, or surround ourselves with it, remains the same. As Moderns we may understand the astrological science behind the Solstice and we may not fear a never-ending winter, but we still feel winter’s cold, especially in a hostile and angry world such as the one in which we now live. Now more than ever we need the warmth and good cheer of colored lights, candles gleaming, and a roaring fire on many a dark night.candle-light

Dear Readers, the Winter Solstice occurs on December 21st for us here in the Northern Hemisphere. On that day be sure to raise your glass and say a word of good cheer for the return of the sun!